Friday, November 26, 2010


I wanted to ask my family what they were thankful for on Thanksgiving, but I didn't, because we aren't close like that. I also know that none of us would be able to say what we were thankful for without tears. And lots of them. At my baby shower, when my grandma had to say how she knew me, she got about two words in and broke down in tears. I was in tears about 1 1/2 words in so I can't criticize. We just don't share our love, our hurt, our disappointment and our pride.
What I can say though, is these people drive me nuts. NUTS. There is so much love there but also so much hurt. We all hide our hurt and some of us our love, with sarcasm, "surface conversations", and never really talk about what we are really feeling or saying. Our thanksgiving conversation would have went like that: What are you thankful for? Answer: Good food, family, the Packer's winning, etc but nothing that is real. But you know what, I would have been right there, because the surface stuff is so much easier than saying "Even though I loathed you the whole drive because my daughter was screaming in the back seat of the car, I am so thankful that I have a family that would have missed me if I wasn't here. I'm thankful that I was raised to respect my family and our traditions and that the thought of not coming home for a holiday never crosses my mind. I'm thankful that through all the craziness in my life, the love of my family has been the one constant, and that, although at times, ok.... more often than not, they drive me nuts, I'd be lost without them."

What are you thankful for? I mean really thankful for?

For me, besides the fam, I'm thankful that I've been blessed with the ability to self analyze. I spend a large portion of my day thinking of things I said/did earlier in the day and challenge myself to do better the next day. I set goals for myself, i.e. I feel like every conversation I have with one of my co-workers revolves around me complaining about something, anything really, so my goal is to stop the complaining. To ask her more about her life (even though she always goes into WAAAAY more detail than necessary) and to take a more positive approach when sharing with her my life.

I'm thankful for my husband who challenges me daily. Weather it's my lack of ability to maintain a clean house, my lack of respect for his personal space (listen, law school requires more study time than I'd like and I misssss him!) or simply letting me process the day and talk through some of my struggles, he's constantly challenges me to become a better person, wife, mom, daughter, and friend. And not in a crazy controlling way, but in a loving and very understanding way, a way in which he doesn't have to say much, just understand that I'm growing and learning and adjusting and loving me through it all.

And lastly, I am thankful for the blessing of life given to me not only through my own personal health, but through this 25 lb pistol of a 13 month old I call Elleanor. This chic will wear a sister out. But you know what, the ability to run around with her, laugh with her, cry often times out of shear frustration/exhaustion (depending on the day), beam with pride when she accomplishes something momentous or just sit with her and read a book is probably the greatest gift I've ever been given. Besides the Nintendo I got when I was little, but come on, Mario Brothersssssss!!!!!

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